Friday, December 31, 2010

happy new year

I have several opportunities and changes going on in my life right now. 2010 has been a fairly good year. Nothing really traumatic happened. This past summer was the beginning of some really great things in my life occurred. Having volunteer activities that mean something to me and attempting to inspire hope and determination in the lives of others. My facebook group ADHD Support and Information has grown and continues to grow; I was made an admin of ADDer World, where I get to welcome each and every new member and help out my great friend, Bryan Hutchinson. He is the founder of both the social network,  ADDer World and his blog by the same name. I had a pretty good semester overall, very few problems until the last week of the semester, when I got sick. I was able to communicate and work things out with my instructors and let them know what was going on.

This coming year I am looking at several interesting opportunities. I am getting to move out and get my OWN bedroom for the 1st time in 4 years. I am finally getting the opportunity to become an ADD/ADHD coach. Albeit, I am having some technical difficulties, but I still believe it will work out. I also have a new boyfriend, that I haven't told very many people about yet because we have only been able to internet date. This is because we live in 2 different countries on 2 different continents. Still I am excited that I am seeing a guy worth getting to know and date. He has 3 very beautiful kids from a previous relationship and he is a sweet, intelligent man. He is passionate about kids and making a difference in their lives.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

low frustration tolerance or over flowing

A lot of times those of us with challenges are seen as being easily frustrated, but I don't think that view is looking below the surface. We need to look deeper than superficial cues/clues. There are times those of us with challenges tolerate a huge amount of frustration. We endure so many struggles, painful experiences, setbacks, people's negative view of us. We have to endure the frustration of having to strategize for absolutely everything we do. We have to endure lots more "failures" than others before we find a way to make it work for us. If we have an invisible challenge it can very well take us years to discover why in the world do we have these issues that we do. When you have an invisible challenge such as ADD/ADHD, it is incredibly difficult to understand why you feel different or why you can't do things like others. We tend to excel in other areas that others don't, let's say science or art. Or we manage to get our Ph.Ds, masters, bachelors but we can't get things done on time, clean our closets, manage our time, fill out simple forms. We have areas of extreme interest and focus and areas of total lack there of. Try as we might these "boring" tasks, are incredibly difficult to do. There are certain topics or tasks that seem to dry up my frontal lobe and make it absolutely useless for anything executive.

So you take all of this into account, observing our challenges, enduring painful criticism and judgement. We are told that we are 'immature', 'not good enough', 'lazy' or we are told 'just try harder', 'you need to plan ahead', 'failure to plan on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part'. So in addition to our invisible challenges that we work our tushes off in order to succeed, we keep trying, looking for answers, we have to deal with all these negative labels and abuse. So out of our pain, and after being told that 'we don't measure up' for years on out; we continue to try harder, work longer, and what not. We all in attempt to 'measure up', yet no matter how hard we try we stray from the track. And people wonder why we have 'low frustration tolerance'?

I am not convinced that people with challenges have a lower frustration tolerance than those without. I think it maybe that they are already tolerating a lot of frustration, it's just that when you pile on more frustration they may blow or react. A glass can only so much water before it overflows. If you add the same amount of water to 2 different glasses, one of which is already full and the other is nearly empty, the one that is full is going to spill over much sooner than the other.

I feel that most of us with ADD/ADHD have really high frustration levels, it's just that we use so much more of our frustration capacity than many other people. So when we finally 'blow' out of frustration, it's not because we have 'low frustration tolerance'; instead it is because we have over filled our already used frustration capacity.  I believe 'low frustration tolerance' is when you start with an empty glass of water and you quickly blow.

So what are your thoughts about this?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Time to succeed and flourish

This summer I was taking a walk, which was a combination of pure exercise and some prayer and meditation. Well on this walk when I was more meditating and praying I got this little insight/answer to prayer that it is "my time to succeed and flourish". I have been successful with nearly everything I have done lately.

I don't think success means that you stop tripping and falling. I don't think it means that you stop having setbacks or stop having obstacles. I don't think it means that you necessarily strike 100% every time. It doesn't mean that the pain vanishes, it doesn't mean the symptoms stop happening. It means that you keep on keeping on.

I still trip, I still fall, I still have setbacks, I still have obstacles. I still don't strike 100% on everything. I am still ADHD as I have always been. I still need extensions on homework, I still miss points on my tests, and I still live in overcrowded conditions. However, they don't hold me back, they don't crush my self-esteem, I still make progress, and I am still making a positive difference, I hope, in the lives of others. I maybe getting a 'C' in my linear algebra class and an 'A' or 'B' in my Java class, but I am still getting through them. I am able to get through my math classes on the 1st try, instead of repeating them. Considering I am in higher math and don't have the luxury of studying in an environment conducive to an ADHD studying, I think I'm doing fantastic.

My work ethic still shows, my brains and wisdom still show, my positive coping strategies still show. My instructors and my classmates still respect me and they still treat me as their equal. They are still supportive of me and they still wish to see me succeed. This is because I am honest and I am a good student. I have the desire to learn and the willingness to do the work.

I have shown my potential, I have shown my ability, I have shown my talents, and I have shown my maturity. I have shown my true character and my integrity. I have shown that I am fun to be around and am a caring, loving, supportive individual. And I have shown my authentic individuality and learned to express it in a manner that allows others to see the value of my difference and my difference in perspective.

The reason all this is happening, I believe, is because I have discovered these things in myself. I have learned how to express my needs and wants in a positive manner, in a non-berating manner. THIS IS BECAUSE "IT'S MY TIME TO SUCCEED AND FLOURISH".

It's "time for us to succeed and flourish".