Monday, January 31, 2011

friendships

I saw this definition of a true friendship on facebook and it actually struck some of my ADD cords. I can't take credit for this statement, but I think there's a lot of truth in this.

Definition/description:
A true friend doesn't care when you're broke, what you weigh, what name brand you wear, if your house is a mess, where you live, about your past, or if your family is filled with crazies, they love you for who you are, a true friend can go long periods of time without speaking but never questions the friendship.

I know a lot of ADDers worry about friendships and I think this definition/description is a very healthy one for us with ADD/ADHD might want to consider.

1) true friends don't care about your financial status
2) they will love you no matter what you look like
3) they will not be offended if your house is a mess. I know this one from personal experience. My friends knew I was challenged in this area and they knew why. I didn't hide my messiness.
4) you can be completely open with your true friends, without fear of being judged
5) your true friends will encourage you, they build you up, cheer you on when you achieve your goals, no matter how small.

How to be a good friend when you have ADD/ADHD challenges:
1) love your friends unconditionally
2) forgive them for their mistakes and not always understanding you
3) make an investment into their lives
4) make sure to encourage them when they need it
5) listen to them and be open to their feedback
6) take ownership of your mistakes
7) acknowledge their feelings when you hurt them in someway
8) be generous with them
9) ask for clarification in conversations
10) if you have difficulty reading nonverbal cues, let them know
11) share your talents and gifts with them in a way that tells them you love them and mean something to you.

I don't think this is an exhaustive list of things that might help you develop good, lasting friendships. Once I got into college, I started making friends, friendships that have lasted for 12-13 years now. I strongly believe that these things helped me keep these friends. The important thing is to have friends, who accept you as you are and are forgiving when your foibles shows up. It is much easier to develop socially when you know that your friends will accept you no matter what. I attribute my having made friends since then to these friends I made when I was much younger.

I suggest that you look for people, who are inclusive and accepting of people from all walks of life. Also don't get caught up in age as a factor for friendships. I have lots of friends, who are older than me. I have friends, who are younger than me. And I believe I have friends around my age as well. Most of my friends have or had challenges themselves and have worked at overcoming those challenges.

Lastly, make sure you take care of yourself and be a good friend to yourself. Make sure you learn to love yourself and learn to forgive yourself. Never stop learning about yourself and your ADD/ADHD, continuously look for ways achieve your unique greatness.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH, NARCISSISTIC, OR VIOLENT

Why do researchers of ADD/ADHD have to throw us in with the violent, psychopathic, or narcissistic types? Why are they so determined to make us look bad? What have most of us done to get such negative treatment? Why are the psychopaths grouped with us? Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are Axis II disorders of the DSM-IV. Axis II is reserved for personality disorders and developmental disorders such as mental retardation. ADD/ADHD is an Axis I disorder. I know there is the possibility of co-morbidity, but ASPD about covers it by itself. I'm not even saying that medication won't help them too, but that doesn't mean they are the same disorder. I don't want the general public to see me as violent and unsafe. I don't want the public to see us as lesser, evil people.


I don't like being thrown in with Hitler or other majorly evil people. I have nothing in common with them. If I was in Germany during Hitler's time, I would have been in one of those concentration camps and tortured by him. I am Jewish, I was born with multiple birth challenges, and I have ADD/ADHD. I AM NOT THE A TERRORIST AND I AM NOT HITLER.

I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW MY ADHD DOESN'T MAKE ME A VIOLENT PERSON. MY ADHD DOESN'T MAKE ME EVIL, IT DOESN'T MAKE MY BRAIN PRIMITIVE, IT DOESN'T MAKE ME INFERIOR.

I am a very caring, wise, compassionate, stoic woman with dreams of making this world a better place. I think PEACEFUL and FUN comes to mind. LOVING, GIVING, CARING, UNSELFISH comes to mind. THESE TRAITS DON'T CONJURE UP AN IMAGE OF VIOLENCE, BUT IMAGES OF GIFTED AND LOVING PEOPLE, WHO MUST ENDURE THE PAIN OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH, I AM NOT NARCISSISTIC AND I AM NOT VIOLENT.