Failures or Successes? Let's redefine what success in college means!

Is it a tragedy to fail a class in college? I don't really think so. My psychiatrist told me that he failed chemistry his first time around. My physics/math instructor failed several classes along the way, but he repeated those classes and still managed to get his masters degree. My friend, who has severe cerebral palsy and severe dyslexia, had to repeat a few college classes. Yet, she still managed to get her bachelor's degree. I heard Winston Churchill failed his first English class, and yet I believe he went on to be a great speaker and writer. Many re-entry students may have a staggered academic record, yet when they return to college, often via a community college and transfer to 4 year college/university, they get their bachelor degrees and possibly their graduate/professional degrees.

I have gone to college with a wide range of students, some have passed every class on the first try and some haven't. Some graduate miraculously with their AA/AS degrees in 2 years and bachelor's in 4 years. Being able to get through depends on several factors including major, family responsibilities, working, any physical, psychiatric, and/or learning challenges a person might have, their age, and the level of support, strength, courage, and tenacity that person possesses.

At a recent college graduation, where the graduates ranged from 18 years old to 73 years old. I grant you that it is a junior college, but majority of the graduates were transfering to various universities in California. The transfers varied widely and 2-3 students were transferring to Standford University, several were transferring to every University of California universities and several California State University universities. What I appreciated was that they had a re-entry student scholar award as well as the other awards.

Let's help people change their idea as to what it means to succeed in college, and help them realize that it's never too late to pursue your dreams. I have several friends, who started college in their late 30's and now have their AA degrees, their bachelor's degrees and some have also entered graduate school. I also know 2 students, who started at a younger age, but because of learning disabilities and/or ADHD (as well as other psychiatric disorders) have taken longer to earn their degrees. But you know all these people I mentioned have persevered and continue to persevere no matter what. We don't let our challenges, our college marks, or our age to stop us from succeeding. Yes these hurdles come with their pain and yes it is tough to keep trying. Yes it is sometimes to difficult to find the strength, courage, and hope to keep pursuing in the face of what some people say is "bad" or when people tell us "see you can't do it" or tell us we are "failures". However, we manage to find it within us somewhere. We know we have each other to support us. We know deep down that we are smart enough, we know we have something to offer this world, we know there is something that we are called to do.

These are some of the people I want to help as a ADHD/life coach. I want to see these students succeed. I want to see these students get the support they need. I see this group of students underrepresented in the ADD/ADHD literature. I see them underrepresented by coaches. I see them underrepresented by mental health professionals. Yet I see very capable people, who get very worn out by there tenacious drive. They are more vulnerable to depression, anxiety, aggravated/taxed executive function, ADHD and learning differences. What ever systems in their bodies are most vulnerable to wear and tear from stress and over working can break down. Yet a lot of them still make it through and succeed. They are the ones getting some support. The ones who aren't getting any support, encouragement, and tools to reduce the stress and make life manageable don't always go as far as they dreamed of.

It doesn't have to be this way. We need to look at the struggles and challenges that these students, ie. re-entry students and the ones who take longer to get through, and work to understand what supports they need to help them succeed.

Most of the information on ADHD, learning disorders and other challenges are directed at parents of high schoolers transitioning into college. Usually these students have parents to pay for college, housing, and other essentials. Yes those kids need that type of support, although I believe it would be more helpful to start prepping these kids at 13 rather than 18. However, the group of students I mentioned don't have this parental support. The re-entry and perseverant students, whether ADHD or not, have other challenges. We may have kids (some of which may have challenges of their own), significant others, aging parents, they maybe single parents. They may probably have rent to pay, bills to pay, kids' schedules to keep track of, their own schedule to contend with, work, and if they squeeze any more energy out of themselves, they study and do a few extracurricular activities. They may not be getting enough sleep, good nutrition, self care and so forth.

I know I got on my soapbox about this topic, but I have brought it up before and keep getting resources designed for younger, traditional age students. I think re-entry students and longstanding/perseverant students have some different challenges to face. We need to look at what we can do to help these mature, tenacious students feel equal to the traditional students. Besides the ADDed benefit of having older college students around is that they can actually serve as great role models for the younger, more traditional students. Plus they ADD the benefit of life experience and diversity of the college community. Let's also cheer them on more.

Achievers and self-care

May 27, 2011 I went to a friend's graduation. The theme of the speeches given revolved around self-care and taking time  out to relax occasionally. It is frequently an issue with high achievers to neglect themselves to there own detriment. They might get away with it for a season, but eventually catches up with them. They start getting sick both physically and mentally, it takes longer to recover and many times they still keep pushing with out taking a breather. Also, if you don't practice good self-care, you can end up depleted of resources and unable to be as effective at doing what ever it is you're trying to do.

Be sure to eat healthily, use all-nighters sparingly, try to get 10-15 minutes of me time a day, and get what ever exercise you can squeeze in to your schedule. Make sure you learn some adaptive stress management strategies, don't ignore signals your body may be giving you such as hunger, difficulty getting to sleep or waking up, thirst, and so forth. Consider getting a life coach or an ADHD coach to help you manage your time and your life a little more easily. Be sure to squeeze a little bit of time with your friends if possible. Learn when to get help or support in areas of difficulty or lesser interest. Learn what your strengths and talents are so that you can capitalize on them and free up time and energy for other things.

I have collapsed several times with pneumonia, ear infections, depression and found myself depleted on several occasions before I learned this lesson. I now make a point to take better care of myself, treat myself in a loving way, to get out with friends or at least talk to someone on facebook in a pinch, and make sure I give my body what it needs. I try to get enough sleep as often as I can, I make sure I don't let my hunger turn into low blood sugar (most of the time), drink plenty of water, and so forth.

I find these things more or less help me to more focused, more involved with my friends and family, help my mood, my asthma, my immune system, and my overall health. I have looked at making the most of what I have and making the best contribution I can to my community as I can.

Do you have any suggestions or ideas about how high achievers can take time to take care of themselves? And I don't just mean people, who are academically high achievers. I am also talking about people, who are high achievers in work and/or helping to make this world a better place.

how to break the comparison game

Well first of I stopped the comparison game along time ago. I did this by stepping back, pausing, and asking myself: what specifically is it about this person I truly admire? How can I develop this trait or characteristic in a way that works for me?

Those of us with ADDult ADD/ADHD, need to beware of the comparison game that can crush our self-esteem. If you can't stop comparing your self with others, turn it around like I did. But also keep in mind these people aren't you and they don't face the same challenges as you, and realize that they might have challenges in areas you don't. We all have different genetics, different bodies, different personalities, different brains, different challenges, talents and strengths in different areas. It is in our differences we get insights and ideas, it is in our collective differences and similarities that we can solve this puzzle that we call life.

This blog post was inspired by an article on ADDitude Magazine's website blog. The following link,
Facebook, Self-esteem, and Adult ADD ADHD, allows you to go read the original article.

I challenge those, who read this blog and the article to ask themselves this: What trait/characteristic to I admire about this person? How can I apply this idea in an ADD/ADHD friendly manner, without beating myself up or forgetting who I really am?

RAMBUNCTIOUS IN KINDERGARTEN and COLLEGE

I know ADHD is a real disorder, I know that it is overdiagnosed, underdiagnosed, misdiagnosed and really poorly misunderstood. I know we have come a long way in understanding it and getting "better" and "worse" recognizing it. But do people truly know what it means to be a kid anymore? Most kids are rambunctious when they are young. Why is school set up so that kids can't move or wiggle? I am 32 years old and I still can't sit still in class or totally shut up. How many adults do you know can truly sit still let alone kids? I mean if you think about it, wiggling keeps your blood moving and pumping more than when you sit still. If we have to sit still all the time except when we exercise, do we wonder why people have trouble transitioning? Those kids and adults who fidget tend to be more alert and seem to transition to exercise and other activities better? I am in college and I still wiggle, fidget, talk in class, get distracted and what not. While I like to sit directly in front in class, I find that I wiggle to much and tend to sprawl my stuff out on multiple desks and chairs. my area in class looks like a tornado, but I take all my stuff with me 99.9999% of the time. I take notes in class in color, I have my digital recorder out, I have my books, I have my pens, paper, backpack. I used to get frustrated with this until I realized I am always going to make a mess in class. At least I clean it all up when I am done. I guess I channel my need to fidget into my note taking and reading textbooks and doing my homework. I channel my incessant talking into participating in class and/or interact with the instructor on some level.

Not everyone with ADHD is externally rambunctious. Some of the daydreamers are rambunctious internally, but outwardly never bother anyone. Or they might be fidgeting with a pencil or their hair, but not running around the classroom driving everyone nuts. And some of us are eternally rambunctious or at least it seems that way to me. Albeit, the manifestation of that rambunctiousness might change it's expression. but it is almost always their. Never hold still, keep moving and keep fidgeting. It is good for the brain and good for the kid in you.

It's never too late to imagine

In the book The Disorganized Mind, Nancy Ratey talks about "when we begin to imagine" isn't what matters, but that we finally do imagine what our lives can be like. She starts off on page one going into a question a friend of hers posed to her. Here's an excerpt from page one:
            ""Who are you, and what do you love?" a close friend once asked me. I'm outgoing and talkative   by nature, and I'm rarely at a loss for words, but I was stunned into silence by my friend's question. I had no idea how to respond.

               "Don't Worry," she said, sensing my discomfort. "I didn't expect you to answer. I only wanted you to imagine the possibilities of who you might be."

              It's hard to know what different roads any of us might have traveled had we early on imagined our lives shaped by our loves, by our bone-deep passions and beliefs. But I don't think that when we begin to imagine is what matters. What matters is it happens finally, that we come to believe such a life is possible, and that we determine, at last, to live it."(p.1)

I dare you to begin to imagining what could be. Imagine the possibilities and maybe even the impossibilities. Whether you are 10 years old, 60 years old, or 90 years old; what are you going to imagine today. I believe that late bloomers are as awesome as early bloomers. I think that we all have something to love and something to contribute. Let's start dreaming again and enjoying life again.  

ADHD and broke?

It's hard enough to manage ADHD when you are rich or if you are making a decent living right? It must be impossible to do so if you gave little or no money, right? If you are have money you can afford to eat, buy clothes, buy organizational supplies, hire a professional organizer, hire an ADHD coach. You might have credit problems, but at least you can hire some one to help you get a handle on your finances. If you need space to work you might be able to rent office space or have an extra room in your house you can use as an office. What do you do when you can't hire those you need or buy the supplies you need?

A lot of the strategies offered by most books and ADHD coaches require you do one of three things. One, they require you to have money, so you can apply these strategies. Two, do without. This sucks because it might be the ticket to improving your situation. Three, think outside the "ADHD-Box", which is already outside the "non-ADHD Box". I have had to develop my creativity in order to make what is inside the "ADHD Box" work for me. I learned where to get basic essentials when I have to. What are those basic essentials? Food, shelter, and clothes. 

Today in order for me to be able to do laundry and still be able to afford a few essential items, I had to machine wash my clothes and then hang them out to dry. Also I had to clean a neighbors yard for $5 and recycling. Things are super tight right now. I haven't been able to afford bus fare in order to get out of the house. But I am thankful I have my own room, to have plenty to eat, clean water, and clean clothes.

I am thankful I know what it is like to not have enough money to do the simplest things and yet know that I can have it worse. I have learned to make the best of what I have and used my creativity to adapt things so that I can make something possible even when it seems impossible. I keep thinking about what I can do to make a difference in the lives of others. 

The reason I volunteer to do all the stuff I do online is because it doesn't cost me anything to help out in those areas. I started a facebook group called ADHD Support and Information, I help Bryan Hutchinson on http://adderworld.ning.com/, I write a weekly digest/summary of the topics discussed during each week, I have my own blog, I started a facebook page and I am currently training to be an ADHD coach. I don't have a lot of treasure, but I do have time and talents. So I donate my time and talents to the efforts to raise awareness of ADHD and to advocate where I can. Also, I am a college student with ADHD and I am majoring in difficult classes. I take classes in physics, biology, math, computer science and chemistry. I will major in biophysics as soon as I can transfer to the university of Arizona or Iowa state university.

In short, it doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, ADHD is a challenge. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor because ADHD can still be managed and it can still be a gift. Don't let your treasures, talents, and time go to waste because you don't have money. We are creative human beings, we are intelligent, and there are resources out there whether or not you have money. Yes you can succeed whether you have a lot of money or not.

Veteran ADD/ADHDers: those diagnosed 4-5 years or longer

I started a conversation on ADDer World, the social network, back in December. I asked 4 basic questions of these "veteran ADDers":

• what have you learned along the way?
• what helped you develop a positive ADDitude?
• what strategies, skills, etc have you developed?
• what morsels of wisdom would you pass along to a newbie; that is someone just diagnosed?

I have enjoyed reading the contributions of many members. The main pieces of advice have been learning about ADHD, personally and generally and developing a positive ADDitude. This is a comment I shared with the thread:

"I love what everyone has shared on this thread, I think they all say something wonderful and provide others with inspiration and hope. Please get out there and use your stories to help other ADDers, both kids and newly diagnosed ADDults. We've all been through the same struggles as those newly diagnosed are going through right now. We can demonstrate with our stories, how you can get beyond the struggles and start thriving with ADHD. I think it's also good for us to look back and see our progress. We shouldn't ever forget our journey, they represent the hard work, the perseverance and the success we've had in our lives."

If you have been diagnosed for a long time and are successful, how can you help with awareness efforts? How can you use your experience to mentor others with ADD/ADHD? We all need positive role models? We need role models, who haven't become "non-ADD" but have continued to be ADD/ADHD and are successful. We can all learn from people, who have overcome their challenges. You can't become a truly successful ADD/ADHDer without having gained some valuable morsels of hard earned wisdom.