ADHD Coaching Blog

Here is a great article on ADHD, interest, stimulation, and motivation. It also has a cool little video clip to watch, check it out! One thing ADD/ADHD coaching can do is help you find ways to make your life more interesting, more balanced and more fulfilling. It can help you build the life you want and need for yourself and your family and friends. It can also help you become a better self-advocate and improve your ability to educate yourself and others about your ADD/ADHD and ADD/ADHD in general. ADHD Coaching Blog

friendships

I saw this definition of a true friendship on facebook and it actually struck some of my ADD cords. I can't take credit for this statement, but I think there's a lot of truth in this.

Definition/description:
A true friend doesn't care when you're broke, what you weigh, what name brand you wear, if your house is a mess, where you live, about your past, or if your family is filled with crazies, they love you for who you are, a true friend can go long periods of time without speaking but never questions the friendship.

I know a lot of ADDers worry about friendships and I think this definition/description is a very healthy one for us with ADD/ADHD might want to consider.

1) true friends don't care about your financial status
2) they will love you no matter what you look like
3) they will not be offended if your house is a mess. I know this one from personal experience. My friends knew I was challenged in this area and they knew why. I didn't hide my messiness.
4) you can be completely open with your true friends, without fear of being judged
5) your true friends will encourage you, they build you up, cheer you on when you achieve your goals, no matter how small.

How to be a good friend when you have ADD/ADHD challenges:
1) love your friends unconditionally
2) forgive them for their mistakes and not always understanding you
3) make an investment into their lives
4) make sure to encourage them when they need it
5) listen to them and be open to their feedback
6) take ownership of your mistakes
7) acknowledge their feelings when you hurt them in someway
8) be generous with them
9) ask for clarification in conversations
10) if you have difficulty reading nonverbal cues, let them know
11) share your talents and gifts with them in a way that tells them you love them and mean something to you.

I don't think this is an exhaustive list of things that might help you develop good, lasting friendships. Once I got into college, I started making friends, friendships that have lasted for 12-13 years now. I strongly believe that these things helped me keep these friends. The important thing is to have friends, who accept you as you are and are forgiving when your foibles shows up. It is much easier to develop socially when you know that your friends will accept you no matter what. I attribute my having made friends since then to these friends I made when I was much younger.

I suggest that you look for people, who are inclusive and accepting of people from all walks of life. Also don't get caught up in age as a factor for friendships. I have lots of friends, who are older than me. I have friends, who are younger than me. And I believe I have friends around my age as well. Most of my friends have or had challenges themselves and have worked at overcoming those challenges.

Lastly, make sure you take care of yourself and be a good friend to yourself. Make sure you learn to love yourself and learn to forgive yourself. Never stop learning about yourself and your ADD/ADHD, continuously look for ways achieve your unique greatness.

ADHD Coaching Blog

ADHD Coaching Blog

This is a really cool post by David Giwerc. Click the link above to learn more about it.

I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH, NARCISSISTIC, OR VIOLENT

Why do researchers of ADD/ADHD have to throw us in with the violent, psychopathic, or narcissistic types? Why are they so determined to make us look bad? What have most of us done to get such negative treatment? Why are the psychopaths grouped with us? Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are Axis II disorders of the DSM-IV. Axis II is reserved for personality disorders and developmental disorders such as mental retardation. ADD/ADHD is an Axis I disorder. I know there is the possibility of co-morbidity, but ASPD about covers it by itself. I'm not even saying that medication won't help them too, but that doesn't mean they are the same disorder. I don't want the general public to see me as violent and unsafe. I don't want the public to see us as lesser, evil people.


I don't like being thrown in with Hitler or other majorly evil people. I have nothing in common with them. If I was in Germany during Hitler's time, I would have been in one of those concentration camps and tortured by him. I am Jewish, I was born with multiple birth challenges, and I have ADD/ADHD. I AM NOT THE A TERRORIST AND I AM NOT HITLER.

I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW MY ADHD DOESN'T MAKE ME A VIOLENT PERSON. MY ADHD DOESN'T MAKE ME EVIL, IT DOESN'T MAKE MY BRAIN PRIMITIVE, IT DOESN'T MAKE ME INFERIOR.

I am a very caring, wise, compassionate, stoic woman with dreams of making this world a better place. I think PEACEFUL and FUN comes to mind. LOVING, GIVING, CARING, UNSELFISH comes to mind. THESE TRAITS DON'T CONJURE UP AN IMAGE OF VIOLENCE, BUT IMAGES OF GIFTED AND LOVING PEOPLE, WHO MUST ENDURE THE PAIN OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH, I AM NOT NARCISSISTIC AND I AM NOT VIOLENT.

happy new year

I have several opportunities and changes going on in my life right now. 2010 has been a fairly good year. Nothing really traumatic happened. This past summer was the beginning of some really great things in my life occurred. Having volunteer activities that mean something to me and attempting to inspire hope and determination in the lives of others. My facebook group ADHD Support and Information has grown and continues to grow; I was made an admin of ADDer World, where I get to welcome each and every new member and help out my great friend, Bryan Hutchinson. He is the founder of both the social network,  ADDer World and his blog by the same name. I had a pretty good semester overall, very few problems until the last week of the semester, when I got sick. I was able to communicate and work things out with my instructors and let them know what was going on.

This coming year I am looking at several interesting opportunities. I am getting to move out and get my OWN bedroom for the 1st time in 4 years. I am finally getting the opportunity to become an ADD/ADHD coach. Albeit, I am having some technical difficulties, but I still believe it will work out. I also have a new boyfriend, that I haven't told very many people about yet because we have only been able to internet date. This is because we live in 2 different countries on 2 different continents. Still I am excited that I am seeing a guy worth getting to know and date. He has 3 very beautiful kids from a previous relationship and he is a sweet, intelligent man. He is passionate about kids and making a difference in their lives.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

low frustration tolerance or over flowing

A lot of times those of us with challenges are seen as being easily frustrated, but I don't think that view is looking below the surface. We need to look deeper than superficial cues/clues. There are times those of us with challenges tolerate a huge amount of frustration. We endure so many struggles, painful experiences, setbacks, people's negative view of us. We have to endure the frustration of having to strategize for absolutely everything we do. We have to endure lots more "failures" than others before we find a way to make it work for us. If we have an invisible challenge it can very well take us years to discover why in the world do we have these issues that we do. When you have an invisible challenge such as ADD/ADHD, it is incredibly difficult to understand why you feel different or why you can't do things like others. We tend to excel in other areas that others don't, let's say science or art. Or we manage to get our Ph.Ds, masters, bachelors but we can't get things done on time, clean our closets, manage our time, fill out simple forms. We have areas of extreme interest and focus and areas of total lack there of. Try as we might these "boring" tasks, are incredibly difficult to do. There are certain topics or tasks that seem to dry up my frontal lobe and make it absolutely useless for anything executive.

So you take all of this into account, observing our challenges, enduring painful criticism and judgement. We are told that we are 'immature', 'not good enough', 'lazy' or we are told 'just try harder', 'you need to plan ahead', 'failure to plan on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part'. So in addition to our invisible challenges that we work our tushes off in order to succeed, we keep trying, looking for answers, we have to deal with all these negative labels and abuse. So out of our pain, and after being told that 'we don't measure up' for years on out; we continue to try harder, work longer, and what not. We all in attempt to 'measure up', yet no matter how hard we try we stray from the track. And people wonder why we have 'low frustration tolerance'?

I am not convinced that people with challenges have a lower frustration tolerance than those without. I think it maybe that they are already tolerating a lot of frustration, it's just that when you pile on more frustration they may blow or react. A glass can only so much water before it overflows. If you add the same amount of water to 2 different glasses, one of which is already full and the other is nearly empty, the one that is full is going to spill over much sooner than the other.

I feel that most of us with ADD/ADHD have really high frustration levels, it's just that we use so much more of our frustration capacity than many other people. So when we finally 'blow' out of frustration, it's not because we have 'low frustration tolerance'; instead it is because we have over filled our already used frustration capacity.  I believe 'low frustration tolerance' is when you start with an empty glass of water and you quickly blow.

So what are your thoughts about this?

Time to succeed and flourish

This summer I was taking a walk, which was a combination of pure exercise and some prayer and meditation. Well on this walk when I was more meditating and praying I got this little insight/answer to prayer that it is "my time to succeed and flourish". I have been successful with nearly everything I have done lately.

I don't think success means that you stop tripping and falling. I don't think it means that you stop having setbacks or stop having obstacles. I don't think it means that you necessarily strike 100% every time. It doesn't mean that the pain vanishes, it doesn't mean the symptoms stop happening. It means that you keep on keeping on.

I still trip, I still fall, I still have setbacks, I still have obstacles. I still don't strike 100% on everything. I am still ADHD as I have always been. I still need extensions on homework, I still miss points on my tests, and I still live in overcrowded conditions. However, they don't hold me back, they don't crush my self-esteem, I still make progress, and I am still making a positive difference, I hope, in the lives of others. I maybe getting a 'C' in my linear algebra class and an 'A' or 'B' in my Java class, but I am still getting through them. I am able to get through my math classes on the 1st try, instead of repeating them. Considering I am in higher math and don't have the luxury of studying in an environment conducive to an ADHD studying, I think I'm doing fantastic.

My work ethic still shows, my brains and wisdom still show, my positive coping strategies still show. My instructors and my classmates still respect me and they still treat me as their equal. They are still supportive of me and they still wish to see me succeed. This is because I am honest and I am a good student. I have the desire to learn and the willingness to do the work.

I have shown my potential, I have shown my ability, I have shown my talents, and I have shown my maturity. I have shown my true character and my integrity. I have shown that I am fun to be around and am a caring, loving, supportive individual. And I have shown my authentic individuality and learned to express it in a manner that allows others to see the value of my difference and my difference in perspective.

The reason all this is happening, I believe, is because I have discovered these things in myself. I have learned how to express my needs and wants in a positive manner, in a non-berating manner. THIS IS BECAUSE "IT'S MY TIME TO SUCCEED AND FLOURISH".

It's "time for us to succeed and flourish".