Lately i have been dealing with medication issues. you see i recently discovered my insurance was changed. the new insurance decided it was only going to cover 20mg of Lexapro per day and 40mg Focalin XR. I have been taking 400 mg of Neurontin twice a day for a few months prior to that it was three times a day, Lexapro 60 mg per day, 60mg of Focalin XR ( which i took two 20mg capsules when i wake up and one in the afternoon), 20mg of Ritalin in the evening as needed, and 100mg Trazodone in the evening as needed. I have been at these levels with continued effectiveness for years.
Well I have been taking 40mg of Lexapro a day for a little over 15 days and now i am almost out, I have also been taking 40 mg of Focalin XR per day. Now fortunately the Focalin XR is closer to my normal dose, but my lexapro isn't and it is showing. Lexapro is my antidepressant and my lack of it is definitely showing up in several places.
While I am trying to get a 10 day supply of my lexapro to tie me over until I can remedy the situation with my meds, the pharmacy and the insurance, I am reviewing my strategies for dealing with depression, anxiety, and overfocused/stuck attention that I've used in the past to augment my treatment. I recently wrote a blog post about strategies to ease depression. I realized while playing jigsaw puzzles that I have a toolbox already in place for dealing with this strategically. No i probably wont get as much done, but at least i wont spiral down or waste a bunch of time.
I have been using some of these strategies, including eliciting support, watching funnies, getting down time, asking for help and so forth. I can get through this even if my brain is functioning at 100%. At least I do have my other meds and I can work out my needs, it just might take longer than I hoped. Fortunately it is Thanksgiving Day weekend, so I have a chance to gain enough strength and momentum to solve this issue. I continue to focus on self-care and self-compassion and do the best i can do for now.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
strategies to ease depression
I know this blog is mainly about ADD/ADHD, however, depression is a frequent traveling companion to ADD/ADHD. I am very familiar with this companion as I treat for depression as well as my ADHD. As with my ADD/ADHD I take medication for it and I use strategies to help make it less of an issue and more of an asset.
So what type of strategies can help depression. We know that for ADHD we develop strategies to help us manage our life at work, at home, in self care, increasing our self-awareness, learning to listen to our bodies, focusing on the positive, and develop systems that work with our ADD/ADHD. Well some of those strategies also help with depression. For example, getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water, and breaking overwhelming tasks down to more manageable, less overwhelming bites.
Here is a list of things I have done to make my depression better.
So what type of strategies can help depression. We know that for ADHD we develop strategies to help us manage our life at work, at home, in self care, increasing our self-awareness, learning to listen to our bodies, focusing on the positive, and develop systems that work with our ADD/ADHD. Well some of those strategies also help with depression. For example, getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water, and breaking overwhelming tasks down to more manageable, less overwhelming bites.
Here is a list of things I have done to make my depression better.
- drink plenty of water every day
- eat regular health diet
- try getting enough sleep
- limit your exposure to depressing news stories
- don't watch movies that are depressing, scary, or essentially traumatic
- spend time with friends, who will and can encourage you and allow you to cry on their shoulder
- allow yourself to cry out your emotions
- get exercise if you can
- watch comedies regularly or read funny jokes
- get involved in a supportive community online and/or through an organization
- remind yourself of your accomplishments and strengths
- get down time
- do activities that are creative, fun, and replenishes and nourishes your soul
- learn to challenge your thoughts and beliefs
- learn to have compassion for yourself
- look for the positive
- spend time with those who love you for who you are
- make sure you rid yourself of abusive people
- make sure your self-talk is empowering
- get sunlight and make sure you have at least one non-fluorescent light in your house
- read stories/biographies of really amazing people, who have struggled with challenges
- take a fish oil/flax seed oil supplement
- celebrate your achievements
- remember to love yourself
- take time to be a human being
- read, draw, write poetry, listen to positive music
- use a body double for jobs that are hard
- ask for hugs from those really special people in your life
- learn to breath
- watch your blood sugar
- don't isolate yourself
- get support
- learn to be your authentic self
- separate yourself out from guilt and shame
- don't let yourself to get too cold
- make sure you don't get overheated in hot weather
- Don't forget to replace electrolytes when you are sick or overheated
- when loafing around the house or sleeping wear what's comfortable
- know that you are worth it
- learn how to get centered
Monday, October 31, 2011
how to be successful with less money
how do you define success? does success cost money? does it have to make you rich? In this country it seems to be the filthy rich and the rest of us. Do we need more rich people? perhaps. Do we need more money? Of course we do. No doubt we need it, but is it possible to be a success before the money comes in? is it possible to be successful if the money never comes in?
Some of my heroes and heroines, never were rich. Yet they made a huge difference in this world. They will be remembered not because of their income, but because of their powerful legacy. A legacy is more than just having kids, in fact, you don't even need to pass on your DNA to have a legacy. I have known many people, who fall into this category. Most of them had to overcome challenges, prejudice, discrimination, pain, abuse, physical challenges, psychiatric challenges, family issues. They gave of themselves to the world. Many of these people are in my life or have been in my life, but there are more famous ones, such as Marie Curie, Mother Theresa, and Bryan Hutchinson.
I have followed examples of remarkable women and men in my life and have been an example to others. I have been treating my ADHD for 10 years plus depression. I have a great psychiatrist, great coach, read 40 plus books on ADD/ADHD, create and participated online in effort to contribute to the ADHD community. In my 10 years, I have traveled through my Journeys through ADDulthood, (this is the title of a book written by Sari Solden, a psychotherapist in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a book I recommend reading!), learning the science behind it, what ADHD is, both generally and personally, taking what I have learned and resources I discovered, the strength and wisdom is have built to help people around the world through the internet. It is the connection with others, support from others, becoming less isolated, connecting with people who can help you learn how and where to get help. Learning, educating, networking, advocating and raising awareness online through social networks and other websites. This is why I help out on ADDer World, Social Network
created by Bryan Hutchinson, an ADHD hero, author, and blogger.
All of this is why I decided to become an ADD/ADHD coach. I am a student at ADD Coach Academy, created by David Giwerc, which is a great program and has taught me a lot. My coaching business is Pride and Awareness ADD/ADHD Coaching, which I have a Blog and a facebook page named after my business. I have volunteered and supported others and by helping others out in the ADD/ADHD community and in the coaching community, have been given opportunities to help/moderate/admin groups, facebook pages, ADD/ADHD social networks, have a booth at the ADHD Awareness Expo and so forth. I have worked hard to help people, not with the expectation of getting these opportunities, but for the sake of helping my friends and colleagues. Don't underestimate the power of support, a hug, a poke, word of encouragement and community. In community, we can all succeed rich or poor, weak or strong, because we all have resources, talents, gifts, and experiences that are different and similar. And don't let your socioeconomic status keep you from succeeding or making a difference in this world, we all have our richness.
Some of my heroes and heroines, never were rich. Yet they made a huge difference in this world. They will be remembered not because of their income, but because of their powerful legacy. A legacy is more than just having kids, in fact, you don't even need to pass on your DNA to have a legacy. I have known many people, who fall into this category. Most of them had to overcome challenges, prejudice, discrimination, pain, abuse, physical challenges, psychiatric challenges, family issues. They gave of themselves to the world. Many of these people are in my life or have been in my life, but there are more famous ones, such as Marie Curie, Mother Theresa, and Bryan Hutchinson.
I have followed examples of remarkable women and men in my life and have been an example to others. I have been treating my ADHD for 10 years plus depression. I have a great psychiatrist, great coach, read 40 plus books on ADD/ADHD, create and participated online in effort to contribute to the ADHD community. In my 10 years, I have traveled through my Journeys through ADDulthood, (this is the title of a book written by Sari Solden, a psychotherapist in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a book I recommend reading!), learning the science behind it, what ADHD is, both generally and personally, taking what I have learned and resources I discovered, the strength and wisdom is have built to help people around the world through the internet. It is the connection with others, support from others, becoming less isolated, connecting with people who can help you learn how and where to get help. Learning, educating, networking, advocating and raising awareness online through social networks and other websites. This is why I help out on ADDer World, Social Network
created by Bryan Hutchinson, an ADHD hero, author, and blogger.
All of this is why I decided to become an ADD/ADHD coach. I am a student at ADD Coach Academy, created by David Giwerc, which is a great program and has taught me a lot. My coaching business is Pride and Awareness ADD/ADHD Coaching, which I have a Blog and a facebook page named after my business. I have volunteered and supported others and by helping others out in the ADD/ADHD community and in the coaching community, have been given opportunities to help/moderate/admin groups, facebook pages, ADD/ADHD social networks, have a booth at the ADHD Awareness Expo and so forth. I have worked hard to help people, not with the expectation of getting these opportunities, but for the sake of helping my friends and colleagues. Don't underestimate the power of support, a hug, a poke, word of encouragement and community. In community, we can all succeed rich or poor, weak or strong, because we all have resources, talents, gifts, and experiences that are different and similar. And don't let your socioeconomic status keep you from succeeding or making a difference in this world, we all have our richness.
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Tendency to Drift Away…. (Celebrating the silliness inherent in ADHD!)
By Cathy Avery:
Although I am reluctant to discount the relevance of my alien abduction theory, another cause of significant time loss for AD/HDers is the tendency to drift off and get caught up in other thoughts. Cynics of the world will say: “Everyone daydreams from time to time….and now you are calling it a disorder?” Let me give you a brief example of a non-AD/HD lapse in attention, and compare that to what could be called an “AD/HD mental road trip”.
A third grade teacher alludes to her family dog while illustrating another point. Joe, the student without AD/HD, may briefly think about his family dog, or the neighbor’s dog that barks late into the night, and then will refocus on what his teacher is saying. His AD/HD classmate, Claire, however, has a slightly different flight of fantasy, which goes something like this:
Wasn’t Gizmo cute this morning in the car, the way he sat on my lap and put his paws on the window? That’s why Dad won’t ever let Gizmo ride in his car…. Mom said Aunt Liz had to put Günter to sleep, which means he won’t be at the farm this summer when we visit. So we can bring Gizmo and not worry that Günter will attack him. I wonder if Günter ever attacked a cow….he sure was big enough! Are we driving to the farm or taking the ferry with that awful karaoke singer and the smell of gasoline? Morgan threw up last time and I was really close myself. If we drove I wonder if we could talk Mom into stopping at an amusement park along the way. Too bad the farm isn’t in Ohio, then we could go to Cedar Point. Everyone’s talking about the new roller coaster that goes 120 mph…I wonder how tall you have to be to ride that. How tall am I now anyway?
While Claire is lost in a world of swirling images and a rapidly shifting memories, she is interrupted by her teacher who is asking her a question, FOR THE SECOND TIME, and Claire not only doesn’t know the question, but has no clue what topic is being discussed. When you come out of a deeply engrossing daydream, you often aren’t quite sure whether you have been out of the loop for thirty seconds or thirty minutes, and that complete loss of orientation can be startling, particularly when you suddenly find yourself in the spotlight.
Paying attention requires constant vigilance, for AD/HDers and non-AD/HDers alike. After a brief period of time everyone’s mind begins to wander, particularly if the material is boring or repetitive. The key difference between
those who have AD/HD and those who do not is that non-AD/HDers seem to
catch themselves more rapidly after losing focus and they reorient themselves to
the task at hand. Unfortunately for AD/HDers, the ability to regroup and refocus
seems to be out of whack, as if the very task of refocusing has become boring and repetitive, and without a “snooze alarm” in place, the AD/HD mind is set free to wander hither and yonder for extended periods of time. Statistics indicate that approximately thirty percent of students with AD/HD have failed or had to repeat a year of school , and one has to assume that the information that is missed by AD/HD students while daydreaming is one factor that contributes to school failure.
As adults we would like to believe that we have outgrown certain problem behaviors that we exhibited as children, but in the AD/HD world, I would argue that given the right circumstances, our behavior would be frighteningly similar. Point in fact: As a psychologist, there are times when I will visit a classroom to observe an AD/HD client “in action”. My job is to sit in a corner and unobtrusively watch the identified student with AD/HD. Not wanting to single out the child that I am observing, I will casually look around the classroom, until I suddenly realize that I haven’t been observing the AD/HD student at all; rather, I have become sidetracked by the brightly colored borders on the bulletin boards to my left. So I focus in again, trying desperately to understand the teacher’s explanation of how an inclined plane is an example of a simple machine, which makes absolutely no sense to me…And off I go on another “mind excursion”, wondering whether my poor understanding of scientific phenomenon is due to the fact that I never pay attention long enough to grasp the concepts, or whether even in a moment of great personal clarity, the logic behind certain scientific phenomenon will continue to elude me, like a pesky and whimsical fairy that materializes for a split second and then scampers off to play in more fertile
territory. Based on these illustrative classroom experiences, I have come to the
somewhat unsettling conclusion that if I were placed back in the third grade at the age of forty-nine, I would be passing notes back and forth with my newfound buddies within the first fifteen minutes of class.
As adults, although most of us no longer have to sit in class for hours at a time, there are still situations that force us to fall back on our early training in “sustained faked alertness”, a skill that is honed to perfection during high school science classes. Most notably is the horrid phenomenon of meetings. Every where you go, there is some bozo who says: “We better have a meeting on that”. Meetings, as I believe I’ve mentioned, are the bane of an AD/HD adult’s existence, and they seem to magnify every embarrassing and intrusive quality of this disorder. To begin with, the purpose of most meetings is to review a situation from various angles and perspectives. Reviewing anything for the AD/HD person is generally quite tedious, and therefore there is a high probability that the AD/HD adult will drift off shortly after roll call. Which brings up an important AD/HD survival tip: if you are ever asked to record
minutes for a meeting, don’t do it! Despite your best intentions, there will be huge gaps in your minutes during which time you may be thinking about what to pick up for dinner, whether your colleague across the room has had breast implants, or whether there is anyone in the entire room that actually finds the meeting interesting.
When placed in an unstimulating environment, AD/HD individuals will automatically and unconsciously create their own stimulation. Daydreaming is
probably the most common means of creating stimulation, and although
daydreaming in the wrong setting can be downright embarrassing, I have to
admit that in general, daydreaming is a highly enjoyable activity for those of us
who have the capacity to drift effortlessly from one tangent to the next.
Sometimes I amuse myself so thoroughly while daydreaming that I find myself
grinning like a Cheshire cat -- which is not good etiquette when the rest of the
group is discussing serious departmental issues.
As mentioned at the beginning of this chapter, daydreams can also be quite extensive, and the AD/HD adult may zone out for significant portions of a meeting. Although this certainly could be cause for celebration, if you are unexpectedly called on for input, you no longer have your old elementary school standby to fall back on -- “I don’t know”.
“Zoning out” is not the only method of creating stimulation in an otherwise uninteresting meeting, but given my experiences, it may be the safest (or least damaging) way to pass the time. One of my most memorable meetings took place while interning at a psychiatric hospital. Typically the staff would meet on a daily basis to discuss the progress of each patient from various perspectives. These meetings were generally quite interesting and I had no difficulty staying focused and alert. The head of this unit, however, was a psychiatrist who was not a team player, and when he took the floor it was clear that he relished his position of “educating” the rest of the group in a very long-winded manner. There was one meeting where, in my mind, he took things too far -- and while stretched out in a lounge chair, his diamond patterned gold acrylic socks in full display, he proceeded to monopolize the meeting for what became an intolerable length of time.
While stewing over my forced and prolonged state of captivity, I noticed a little ball of light bouncing across the wall. Luckily I had not yet developed my theory of alien abductions, or I may have jumped to the erroneous conclusion that they were coming in for a landing. I stared at this bouncing light, fascinated by the seemingly whimsical manner in which it danced across the wall, and upon shifting uncomfortably in my seat, I noticed that the light swung rapidly across the wall in an exaggerated fashion. I realized at this point that the ball of light was in fact a ray of sunlight reflecting off the face of my watch, and its constant movement merely exemplified the severity of my physical restlessness.
Once I realized that it was I who controlled this lovely ball of light, I began to move it across the wall in a more purposeful manner. In the middle of this exercise, I inadvertently moved the ball of light across the line of vision of the pontificating psychiatrist, who actually squinted! Unbelievable! I could create discomfort in the very person who had been torturing me for well over an hour! I tried moving the ball quickly across his line of vision -- he squinted. I moved it s-l-o-w-l-y across his eyes -- and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. This was too good to be true, and a campaign of self-righteous retribution ensued. I’d let him relax for a minute and then ZAPPO -- the light would hit him straight in the eyes once again! I was so absorbed in my efforts that I was completely unaware of anyone else in the room except for the psychiatrist and myself, until it occurred to me that I had not checked my surroundings since embarking on this game of cat and mouse. I quickly scanned the room, only to
discover that a team member was staring at me, openmouthed and with an
expression of total disbelief. Although I had a brief moment of panic, he
quickly winked at me and smiled in a way that suggested, “Torture him some
more!”, and I knew that I had found a like-minded friend on staff.
Although my efforts to amuse myself in meetings are typically not so elaborate (and gratifying), I discovered after being treated for AD/HD that I had utilized a more subtle means of creating stimulation in meetings -- namely instigating conflict. What could be more stimulating than to observe your co-workers arguing over an issue -- particularly if it is a topic that would typically be quite dull? This, in fact, is a technique that young children with AD/HD employ with their siblings when things become a little too quiet at home, and I was discouraged to realize the extent of my maturational stagnation. Since becoming aware of this destructive tendency of creating stimulation through conflict, I’ve made a concerted effort to curb this impulse, along with the impulse to interrupt, doodle and pass humorous notes. My God, meetings are exhausting!
Drs. Hallowell and Ratey offer a compassionate perspective on the difficulties that AD/HD adults experience when placed in a situation that creates boredom and frustration, as well as proactive solutions . They suggest that the AD/HD adult must be sensitive to the mounting feelings of frustration that develop in certain settings, and to avoid reaching a “point of explosion”. Once aware that the insidious symptoms of boredom are approaching a critical level, the AD/HD adult is advised to pull away before he or she says or does something that he or she might later regret. In my case, this would mean leaving all meetings before the door is shut, a recommendation that I could happily live by.
I recently discussed the issue of meetings through a series of e-mails with a childhood friend, also diagnosed with AD/HD, who is currently a department head of a large company. Due to her administrative position, she is required to attend a large number of meetings on a weekly basis, and since I avoid meetings if at all possible, I took the opportunity to “pick her brain” and gain insight into how other ADDers manage meetings. This professional noted that if she is running the meeting herself, she has no difficulty staying focused and she is often complimented on how efficiently her meetings progress. She has assigned “time keepers” at each meeting, and if an issue gets bogged down in discussion, the time keeper will sound an alert, and they will move on to the next agenda item. (As far as I’m concerned, this should be a mandatory practice for every meeting).
She noted that if she is required to attend a large meeting that is not directly related to her area of expertise, she will bring other work that she can focus on unobtrusively. However, once a week she is required to sit through a
lengthy administrative meeting that is attended by four other department heads,
and she admitted that she is almost beside herself with pent-up energy and
frustration by the time the final agenda item has been dissected in painful detail.
To my amazement, she reported that when she brought up the idea of meeting
every other week instead of weekly, her colleagues overruled her. This suggests
that there are people in the world who actually enjoy meetings, and for once in
my life -- I’m speechless.
Although I am reluctant to discount the relevance of my alien abduction theory, another cause of significant time loss for AD/HDers is the tendency to drift off and get caught up in other thoughts. Cynics of the world will say: “Everyone daydreams from time to time….and now you are calling it a disorder?” Let me give you a brief example of a non-AD/HD lapse in attention, and compare that to what could be called an “AD/HD mental road trip”.
A third grade teacher alludes to her family dog while illustrating another point. Joe, the student without AD/HD, may briefly think about his family dog, or the neighbor’s dog that barks late into the night, and then will refocus on what his teacher is saying. His AD/HD classmate, Claire, however, has a slightly different flight of fantasy, which goes something like this:
Wasn’t Gizmo cute this morning in the car, the way he sat on my lap and put his paws on the window? That’s why Dad won’t ever let Gizmo ride in his car…. Mom said Aunt Liz had to put Günter to sleep, which means he won’t be at the farm this summer when we visit. So we can bring Gizmo and not worry that Günter will attack him. I wonder if Günter ever attacked a cow….he sure was big enough! Are we driving to the farm or taking the ferry with that awful karaoke singer and the smell of gasoline? Morgan threw up last time and I was really close myself. If we drove I wonder if we could talk Mom into stopping at an amusement park along the way. Too bad the farm isn’t in Ohio, then we could go to Cedar Point. Everyone’s talking about the new roller coaster that goes 120 mph…I wonder how tall you have to be to ride that. How tall am I now anyway?
While Claire is lost in a world of swirling images and a rapidly shifting memories, she is interrupted by her teacher who is asking her a question, FOR THE SECOND TIME, and Claire not only doesn’t know the question, but has no clue what topic is being discussed. When you come out of a deeply engrossing daydream, you often aren’t quite sure whether you have been out of the loop for thirty seconds or thirty minutes, and that complete loss of orientation can be startling, particularly when you suddenly find yourself in the spotlight.
Paying attention requires constant vigilance, for AD/HDers and non-AD/HDers alike. After a brief period of time everyone’s mind begins to wander, particularly if the material is boring or repetitive. The key difference between
those who have AD/HD and those who do not is that non-AD/HDers seem to
catch themselves more rapidly after losing focus and they reorient themselves to
the task at hand. Unfortunately for AD/HDers, the ability to regroup and refocus
seems to be out of whack, as if the very task of refocusing has become boring and repetitive, and without a “snooze alarm” in place, the AD/HD mind is set free to wander hither and yonder for extended periods of time. Statistics indicate that approximately thirty percent of students with AD/HD have failed or had to repeat a year of school , and one has to assume that the information that is missed by AD/HD students while daydreaming is one factor that contributes to school failure.
As adults we would like to believe that we have outgrown certain problem behaviors that we exhibited as children, but in the AD/HD world, I would argue that given the right circumstances, our behavior would be frighteningly similar. Point in fact: As a psychologist, there are times when I will visit a classroom to observe an AD/HD client “in action”. My job is to sit in a corner and unobtrusively watch the identified student with AD/HD. Not wanting to single out the child that I am observing, I will casually look around the classroom, until I suddenly realize that I haven’t been observing the AD/HD student at all; rather, I have become sidetracked by the brightly colored borders on the bulletin boards to my left. So I focus in again, trying desperately to understand the teacher’s explanation of how an inclined plane is an example of a simple machine, which makes absolutely no sense to me…And off I go on another “mind excursion”, wondering whether my poor understanding of scientific phenomenon is due to the fact that I never pay attention long enough to grasp the concepts, or whether even in a moment of great personal clarity, the logic behind certain scientific phenomenon will continue to elude me, like a pesky and whimsical fairy that materializes for a split second and then scampers off to play in more fertile
territory. Based on these illustrative classroom experiences, I have come to the
somewhat unsettling conclusion that if I were placed back in the third grade at the age of forty-nine, I would be passing notes back and forth with my newfound buddies within the first fifteen minutes of class.
As adults, although most of us no longer have to sit in class for hours at a time, there are still situations that force us to fall back on our early training in “sustained faked alertness”, a skill that is honed to perfection during high school science classes. Most notably is the horrid phenomenon of meetings. Every where you go, there is some bozo who says: “We better have a meeting on that”. Meetings, as I believe I’ve mentioned, are the bane of an AD/HD adult’s existence, and they seem to magnify every embarrassing and intrusive quality of this disorder. To begin with, the purpose of most meetings is to review a situation from various angles and perspectives. Reviewing anything for the AD/HD person is generally quite tedious, and therefore there is a high probability that the AD/HD adult will drift off shortly after roll call. Which brings up an important AD/HD survival tip: if you are ever asked to record
minutes for a meeting, don’t do it! Despite your best intentions, there will be huge gaps in your minutes during which time you may be thinking about what to pick up for dinner, whether your colleague across the room has had breast implants, or whether there is anyone in the entire room that actually finds the meeting interesting.
When placed in an unstimulating environment, AD/HD individuals will automatically and unconsciously create their own stimulation. Daydreaming is
probably the most common means of creating stimulation, and although
daydreaming in the wrong setting can be downright embarrassing, I have to
admit that in general, daydreaming is a highly enjoyable activity for those of us
who have the capacity to drift effortlessly from one tangent to the next.
Sometimes I amuse myself so thoroughly while daydreaming that I find myself
grinning like a Cheshire cat -- which is not good etiquette when the rest of the
group is discussing serious departmental issues.
As mentioned at the beginning of this chapter, daydreams can also be quite extensive, and the AD/HD adult may zone out for significant portions of a meeting. Although this certainly could be cause for celebration, if you are unexpectedly called on for input, you no longer have your old elementary school standby to fall back on -- “I don’t know”.
“Zoning out” is not the only method of creating stimulation in an otherwise uninteresting meeting, but given my experiences, it may be the safest (or least damaging) way to pass the time. One of my most memorable meetings took place while interning at a psychiatric hospital. Typically the staff would meet on a daily basis to discuss the progress of each patient from various perspectives. These meetings were generally quite interesting and I had no difficulty staying focused and alert. The head of this unit, however, was a psychiatrist who was not a team player, and when he took the floor it was clear that he relished his position of “educating” the rest of the group in a very long-winded manner. There was one meeting where, in my mind, he took things too far -- and while stretched out in a lounge chair, his diamond patterned gold acrylic socks in full display, he proceeded to monopolize the meeting for what became an intolerable length of time.
While stewing over my forced and prolonged state of captivity, I noticed a little ball of light bouncing across the wall. Luckily I had not yet developed my theory of alien abductions, or I may have jumped to the erroneous conclusion that they were coming in for a landing. I stared at this bouncing light, fascinated by the seemingly whimsical manner in which it danced across the wall, and upon shifting uncomfortably in my seat, I noticed that the light swung rapidly across the wall in an exaggerated fashion. I realized at this point that the ball of light was in fact a ray of sunlight reflecting off the face of my watch, and its constant movement merely exemplified the severity of my physical restlessness.
Once I realized that it was I who controlled this lovely ball of light, I began to move it across the wall in a more purposeful manner. In the middle of this exercise, I inadvertently moved the ball of light across the line of vision of the pontificating psychiatrist, who actually squinted! Unbelievable! I could create discomfort in the very person who had been torturing me for well over an hour! I tried moving the ball quickly across his line of vision -- he squinted. I moved it s-l-o-w-l-y across his eyes -- and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. This was too good to be true, and a campaign of self-righteous retribution ensued. I’d let him relax for a minute and then ZAPPO -- the light would hit him straight in the eyes once again! I was so absorbed in my efforts that I was completely unaware of anyone else in the room except for the psychiatrist and myself, until it occurred to me that I had not checked my surroundings since embarking on this game of cat and mouse. I quickly scanned the room, only to
discover that a team member was staring at me, openmouthed and with an
expression of total disbelief. Although I had a brief moment of panic, he
quickly winked at me and smiled in a way that suggested, “Torture him some
more!”, and I knew that I had found a like-minded friend on staff.
Although my efforts to amuse myself in meetings are typically not so elaborate (and gratifying), I discovered after being treated for AD/HD that I had utilized a more subtle means of creating stimulation in meetings -- namely instigating conflict. What could be more stimulating than to observe your co-workers arguing over an issue -- particularly if it is a topic that would typically be quite dull? This, in fact, is a technique that young children with AD/HD employ with their siblings when things become a little too quiet at home, and I was discouraged to realize the extent of my maturational stagnation. Since becoming aware of this destructive tendency of creating stimulation through conflict, I’ve made a concerted effort to curb this impulse, along with the impulse to interrupt, doodle and pass humorous notes. My God, meetings are exhausting!
Drs. Hallowell and Ratey offer a compassionate perspective on the difficulties that AD/HD adults experience when placed in a situation that creates boredom and frustration, as well as proactive solutions . They suggest that the AD/HD adult must be sensitive to the mounting feelings of frustration that develop in certain settings, and to avoid reaching a “point of explosion”. Once aware that the insidious symptoms of boredom are approaching a critical level, the AD/HD adult is advised to pull away before he or she says or does something that he or she might later regret. In my case, this would mean leaving all meetings before the door is shut, a recommendation that I could happily live by.
I recently discussed the issue of meetings through a series of e-mails with a childhood friend, also diagnosed with AD/HD, who is currently a department head of a large company. Due to her administrative position, she is required to attend a large number of meetings on a weekly basis, and since I avoid meetings if at all possible, I took the opportunity to “pick her brain” and gain insight into how other ADDers manage meetings. This professional noted that if she is running the meeting herself, she has no difficulty staying focused and she is often complimented on how efficiently her meetings progress. She has assigned “time keepers” at each meeting, and if an issue gets bogged down in discussion, the time keeper will sound an alert, and they will move on to the next agenda item. (As far as I’m concerned, this should be a mandatory practice for every meeting).
She noted that if she is required to attend a large meeting that is not directly related to her area of expertise, she will bring other work that she can focus on unobtrusively. However, once a week she is required to sit through a
lengthy administrative meeting that is attended by four other department heads,
and she admitted that she is almost beside herself with pent-up energy and
frustration by the time the final agenda item has been dissected in painful detail.
To my amazement, she reported that when she brought up the idea of meeting
every other week instead of weekly, her colleagues overruled her. This suggests
that there are people in the world who actually enjoy meetings, and for once in
my life -- I’m speechless.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
ADHD Awareness Week Expo 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Getting beyond upbringing and achieving excellence
I know a lot of people, who have grown up with inadequate parenting, myself included. While my mom is a fantastic mother and I wouldn't trade her in for ANYONE else, but my experience with my father and other male family members has been unpleasant to say the least. I missed out on having the fatherly input into my life I seemed to need and sometimes still feel this need. My father was the most severe epileptic I have ever known, he had some many insults to his brain and nervous system, he probably had some mood related issues, possibly ADHD, and was essentially a double genius. We suspected he had Multiple personality disorder as well. He was born breech, he survived the German Measles, Polio and I believe Encephalitis all before the age of 5 years old. Two weeks after my parents got married he had a severe seizure, hitting his head hard on the driveway, sustained has basaler skull fracture. The result was he sustained serious brain damage that also in turn made his epilepsy go out of control. He was deep down a really a great man, he was loving, a great listener, professional quality golfer, naturally respected women as equals, and had all the wonderful characteristics that is stereotypically accused of being a ''gay'' men, but was straight. He tried to be a great father when he could, but as his epilepsy and brain damage got progressively worse and as the polio caught up with him in his 40's, and as he deteriorated he became more abusive. He was far more abusive to my brother Nathan than me. Although I did experience moderate to severe verbal-sexual abuse from him. I also lost opportunity as he deteriorated to have a good father-daughter relationship, having the opportunity for him to cheer me on. It was tough to experience the abuse and watch a really great man be robbed of the chance to express his true nature. It took me along time to heal, but I have and continue to heal. I even come to the point where I feel more compassion for my father. I imagine him in his right mind in heaven, watching me and is so proud of me. I share similar brain physiology to his and how I honor him and his genetics, is to used the genes he passed on to me and transform them into a beautiful masterpiece. I take my ADD meds and my mood related meds, I strive to overcome and make a difference in this world. I have friends, professors, and professional supports who are male with similar traits to my father and allow them to help me heal that void that my father was unable to do himself.
To my father, my dad Greg Gogstetter: I forgive you and I love you. I know Nathan and I will and do make you proud.
To my mother: thank you for the wonderful job you did in raising all three of your kids. Thank you for being the unending support and nag. Thank you for being you. I love you so much.
To Nathan: Thanks for being a wonderful brother, for supporting me and mom through the years. Thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for being you. I love you. Good Luck with the job and you education. I am proud of you.
To my Cousin Shelley: Thank you for becoming part of my family and supporting us through the thick and thin. I am also very proud of you for being a beautiful role model to many young and not so young, but strong women. Thank you for teaching me that there is no shame in being diagnosed with psychiatric disorders and your unending support and forgiveness to the round table gang and to all who love you. You are as cool as Ada May and Edna Pope were or are. I love you very much and pray for you. Thank you for teaching me to appreciate re-entry students and long-term challenged students. Keep up the great work. I'm proud of you Cousin.
To all my friends, family, and other readers: Thank you for being in my life and making it more interesting.
....enough of my cognitive hyperactivity and my hypergraphia. ENJOY!
To my father, my dad Greg Gogstetter: I forgive you and I love you. I know Nathan and I will and do make you proud.
To my mother: thank you for the wonderful job you did in raising all three of your kids. Thank you for being the unending support and nag. Thank you for being you. I love you so much.
To Nathan: Thanks for being a wonderful brother, for supporting me and mom through the years. Thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for being you. I love you. Good Luck with the job and you education. I am proud of you.
To my Cousin Shelley: Thank you for becoming part of my family and supporting us through the thick and thin. I am also very proud of you for being a beautiful role model to many young and not so young, but strong women. Thank you for teaching me that there is no shame in being diagnosed with psychiatric disorders and your unending support and forgiveness to the round table gang and to all who love you. You are as cool as Ada May and Edna Pope were or are. I love you very much and pray for you. Thank you for teaching me to appreciate re-entry students and long-term challenged students. Keep up the great work. I'm proud of you Cousin.
To all my friends, family, and other readers: Thank you for being in my life and making it more interesting.
....enough of my cognitive hyperactivity and my hypergraphia. ENJOY!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
"NOT A THROUGH STREET''
For many years in my life i always get confused by the traffic signs that read ''NOT A THROUGH STREET''. The word Through can be defined two ways.
I think 4 little letters "ADHD" and it's paradoxes and mysteries might be part of it. While I can take all those biology classes , neuroscience classes, physics and math, psychology, and history, yet I can't read a SIMPLE sign? The funny thing is I did finally figured it out, it just took me 14 years. How many other ''simple'' things that I(we) miss?
"Simple'' is some times uninteresting. Sometimes we are contemplating our dreams, fantasies, the things we learned in class, or thinking about how we want to write that poem, how we want to write that computer program, book, blog, novel or what ever pulls our curiosity, interest and creativity. Something new, complex, different that we can create and leave behind in this world. Finding our own way through our journeys. We keep exploring, engineering, connecting, growing, learning, making a difference until we are through with our time on this planet.
- finished: I am through with my cup.
- to pass through : I went through hell and back.
I think 4 little letters "ADHD" and it's paradoxes and mysteries might be part of it. While I can take all those biology classes , neuroscience classes, physics and math, psychology, and history, yet I can't read a SIMPLE sign? The funny thing is I did finally figured it out, it just took me 14 years. How many other ''simple'' things that I(we) miss?
"Simple'' is some times uninteresting. Sometimes we are contemplating our dreams, fantasies, the things we learned in class, or thinking about how we want to write that poem, how we want to write that computer program, book, blog, novel or what ever pulls our curiosity, interest and creativity. Something new, complex, different that we can create and leave behind in this world. Finding our own way through our journeys. We keep exploring, engineering, connecting, growing, learning, making a difference until we are through with our time on this planet.
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