Challenging stories

What story have you been telling yourself. Stories about your challenges. What labels or descriptions do you give them. Do you describe them with words of love or words of hate? Do you label them "impairments"? What are the themes and plots of your stories? What is the narrative you tell yourself?

All human beings tell themselves a story about themselves and how the world works. We are the authors of our lives, we get to choose what our stories say. We get to choose the plot, the scenes, and the settings. We get to choose the narration of the story. We might not be able to choose what challenges we face and we may not be able to choose what others say or do to us, but we can choose our lines and our reactions.

All human beings have challenges, talents, strengths, weaknesses, positives and negatives. We all have things we can do well and things we can't do. We come from different cultures and speak different languages. We all have different perspectives, different tapes, and different stories. We also share a lot of our experiences and borrow lines from others' stories. We have things in common as well.

We need to get better at accepting the beauty of our differences and similarities. We need to also realize that people with challenges, like ADD/ADHD, have differences and similarities. We ADDers are different from non-ADDers. We have a different brain wiring, which means we are going to see the world differently than non-ADDers. Being different doesn't mean we are bad. It doesn't mean we are inferior. It doesn't mean we are "impaired". It doesn't necessarily mean that we are less able than others. It does mean we need to learn to do things a different way than others. It does mean we are going to think differently and be creative in ways others are not. It means we are a minority and will have to fight to be accepted as we are. Accepted as a people group.

The Brilliant Gifts of Hyper Focus and Positivity

Here's a blog post by Bryan Hutchinson about hyperfocus and positivity. I recommend reading it.

The Brilliant Gifts of Hyper Focus and Positivity

My ADD/ADHD Gurus

This is a list of ADD/ADHD people, who've made a difference in my life.

• Joe Schlesinger my coach
• Dr Stan Yantis my psychiatrist
• Bryan Hutchinson my friend and founder of ADDer World, both the social network and the blog
• John McCurry my friend, member of the church I frequently attend
• David Giwerc my friend and founder of ADDCA
• Terry Matlen my friend, author, co-founder of Women With ADHD ADD, founder of Moms with ADD/ADHD and ADD Consults.

A list of people, who may or may not have ADD/ADHD themselves, but have been supportive of me.

• Shelley Kesselman My cousin
• Dr. Charles Parker my friend, author of Medication Rules of ADHD Meds, CorePsych Blog
• Prince Kakungulu Ggobango Ismael my boyfriend from Uganda
• Charlotte Gogstetter my mom.

I want to thank all of these poeple, who have made a difference in my life, in one way or another. The two things all these people have in common are (1) believing in me and (2) encouraging me.

Who in your life would you like to thank for being there for you? Take time to go back and thank them. Let them know you appreciate what they have done for you. In this way you are encouraging them too. We all need encouragement, whether we have ADD/ADHD or not.

Dr. John Ratey on Exercise & Learning

ADHD Coaching Blog

Here is a great article on ADHD, interest, stimulation, and motivation. It also has a cool little video clip to watch, check it out! One thing ADD/ADHD coaching can do is help you find ways to make your life more interesting, more balanced and more fulfilling. It can help you build the life you want and need for yourself and your family and friends. It can also help you become a better self-advocate and improve your ability to educate yourself and others about your ADD/ADHD and ADD/ADHD in general. ADHD Coaching Blog

friendships

I saw this definition of a true friendship on facebook and it actually struck some of my ADD cords. I can't take credit for this statement, but I think there's a lot of truth in this.

Definition/description:
A true friend doesn't care when you're broke, what you weigh, what name brand you wear, if your house is a mess, where you live, about your past, or if your family is filled with crazies, they love you for who you are, a true friend can go long periods of time without speaking but never questions the friendship.

I know a lot of ADDers worry about friendships and I think this definition/description is a very healthy one for us with ADD/ADHD might want to consider.

1) true friends don't care about your financial status
2) they will love you no matter what you look like
3) they will not be offended if your house is a mess. I know this one from personal experience. My friends knew I was challenged in this area and they knew why. I didn't hide my messiness.
4) you can be completely open with your true friends, without fear of being judged
5) your true friends will encourage you, they build you up, cheer you on when you achieve your goals, no matter how small.

How to be a good friend when you have ADD/ADHD challenges:
1) love your friends unconditionally
2) forgive them for their mistakes and not always understanding you
3) make an investment into their lives
4) make sure to encourage them when they need it
5) listen to them and be open to their feedback
6) take ownership of your mistakes
7) acknowledge their feelings when you hurt them in someway
8) be generous with them
9) ask for clarification in conversations
10) if you have difficulty reading nonverbal cues, let them know
11) share your talents and gifts with them in a way that tells them you love them and mean something to you.

I don't think this is an exhaustive list of things that might help you develop good, lasting friendships. Once I got into college, I started making friends, friendships that have lasted for 12-13 years now. I strongly believe that these things helped me keep these friends. The important thing is to have friends, who accept you as you are and are forgiving when your foibles shows up. It is much easier to develop socially when you know that your friends will accept you no matter what. I attribute my having made friends since then to these friends I made when I was much younger.

I suggest that you look for people, who are inclusive and accepting of people from all walks of life. Also don't get caught up in age as a factor for friendships. I have lots of friends, who are older than me. I have friends, who are younger than me. And I believe I have friends around my age as well. Most of my friends have or had challenges themselves and have worked at overcoming those challenges.

Lastly, make sure you take care of yourself and be a good friend to yourself. Make sure you learn to love yourself and learn to forgive yourself. Never stop learning about yourself and your ADD/ADHD, continuously look for ways achieve your unique greatness.

ADHD Coaching Blog

ADHD Coaching Blog

This is a really cool post by David Giwerc. Click the link above to learn more about it.