Friday, November 19, 2010

imperfect perfection

my imperfect perfection comes from years of hard work, determination, pain, moving forward, bravery, developing an emotional pain tolerance that allows you to thrive even in the midst of pain and healing. it comes from an understanding of all that is important in life and knowing what is not important. it takes throwing out the junk, the hand me downs, cleaning out and remodeling conventional wisdom and naysayers. it takes me being foolish enough to believe even when no one else believes. it takes being crazy enough and strong enough not to come crashing down when things don't work continuously. it takes angioplasty of the arteries science and cliches that we have consumed for years and possibly generations.

what in the world am i talking about? i am talking about redefining success and redefining age appropriateness. redefining the rules of going to college, redefining the college age, avoiding all the constant comparisons up against people who don't have your life, your challenges or much in common with you other than being in the same class.

Failure isn't getting a bad grade in a class, it isn't having to repeat a class, it isn't getting fired from a job and it isn't missing the mark. It isn't losing your social networks, it isn't coming getting sick or finding out you have a disorder or having challenges. it isn't having to repeatedly having to struggle in some part of your life. Failure is giving up on something w/ out trying again, not learning a new skill,  not developing strategies, it's not doing anything.

I don't consider myself a failure if i have to repeat a class, i don't consider myself a failure if it takes me years and even a decade to develop a strategy or a skill. I continue on perfecting my imperfection, this is what has given me all the success I've had so far and it will continue to bring me success. I had to repeat everyone of my math classes until I got to multivariate calculus and differential equations. I manage to get through my first year of general chemistry and that took me more than 2 tries to get through it. I rarely give up on anything.

My imperfect perfection!

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