Why do researchers of ADD/ADHD have to throw us in with the violent, psychopathic, or narcissistic types? Why are they so determined to make us look bad? What have most of us done to get such negative treatment? Why are the psychopaths grouped with us? Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are Axis II disorders of the DSM-IV. Axis II is reserved for personality disorders and developmental disorders such as mental retardation. ADD/ADHD is an Axis I disorder. I know there is the possibility of co-morbidity, but ASPD about covers it by itself. I'm not even saying that medication won't help them too, but that doesn't mean they are the same disorder. I don't want the general public to see me as violent and unsafe. I don't want the public to see us as lesser, evil people.
I don't like being thrown in with Hitler or other majorly evil people. I have nothing in common with them. If I was in Germany during Hitler's time, I would have been in one of those concentration camps and tortured by him. I am Jewish, I was born with multiple birth challenges, and I have ADD/ADHD. I AM NOT THE A TERRORIST AND I AM NOT HITLER.
I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW MY ADHD DOESN'T MAKE ME A VIOLENT PERSON. MY ADHD DOESN'T MAKE ME EVIL, IT DOESN'T MAKE MY BRAIN PRIMITIVE, IT DOESN'T MAKE ME INFERIOR.
I am a very caring, wise, compassionate, stoic woman with dreams of making this world a better place. I think PEACEFUL and FUN comes to mind. LOVING, GIVING, CARING, UNSELFISH comes to mind. THESE TRAITS DON'T CONJURE UP AN IMAGE OF VIOLENCE, BUT IMAGES OF GIFTED AND LOVING PEOPLE, WHO MUST ENDURE THE PAIN OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.
I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH, I AM NOT NARCISSISTIC AND I AM NOT VIOLENT.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
happy new year
I have several opportunities and changes going on in my life right now. 2010 has been a fairly good year. Nothing really traumatic happened. This past summer was the beginning of some really great things in my life occurred. Having volunteer activities that mean something to me and attempting to inspire hope and determination in the lives of others. My facebook group ADHD Support and Information has grown and continues to grow; I was made an admin of ADDer World, where I get to welcome each and every new member and help out my great friend, Bryan Hutchinson. He is the founder of both the social network, ADDer World and his blog by the same name. I had a pretty good semester overall, very few problems until the last week of the semester, when I got sick. I was able to communicate and work things out with my instructors and let them know what was going on.
This coming year I am looking at several interesting opportunities. I am getting to move out and get my OWN bedroom for the 1st time in 4 years. I am finally getting the opportunity to become an ADD/ADHD coach. Albeit, I am having some technical difficulties, but I still believe it will work out. I also have a new boyfriend, that I haven't told very many people about yet because we have only been able to internet date. This is because we live in 2 different countries on 2 different continents. Still I am excited that I am seeing a guy worth getting to know and date. He has 3 very beautiful kids from a previous relationship and he is a sweet, intelligent man. He is passionate about kids and making a difference in their lives.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!
This coming year I am looking at several interesting opportunities. I am getting to move out and get my OWN bedroom for the 1st time in 4 years. I am finally getting the opportunity to become an ADD/ADHD coach. Albeit, I am having some technical difficulties, but I still believe it will work out. I also have a new boyfriend, that I haven't told very many people about yet because we have only been able to internet date. This is because we live in 2 different countries on 2 different continents. Still I am excited that I am seeing a guy worth getting to know and date. He has 3 very beautiful kids from a previous relationship and he is a sweet, intelligent man. He is passionate about kids and making a difference in their lives.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
low frustration tolerance or over flowing
A lot of times those of us with challenges are seen as being easily frustrated, but I don't think that view is looking below the surface. We need to look deeper than superficial cues/clues. There are times those of us with challenges tolerate a huge amount of frustration. We endure so many struggles, painful experiences, setbacks, people's negative view of us. We have to endure the frustration of having to strategize for absolutely everything we do. We have to endure lots more "failures" than others before we find a way to make it work for us. If we have an invisible challenge it can very well take us years to discover why in the world do we have these issues that we do. When you have an invisible challenge such as ADD/ADHD, it is incredibly difficult to understand why you feel different or why you can't do things like others. We tend to excel in other areas that others don't, let's say science or art. Or we manage to get our Ph.Ds, masters, bachelors but we can't get things done on time, clean our closets, manage our time, fill out simple forms. We have areas of extreme interest and focus and areas of total lack there of. Try as we might these "boring" tasks, are incredibly difficult to do. There are certain topics or tasks that seem to dry up my frontal lobe and make it absolutely useless for anything executive.
So you take all of this into account, observing our challenges, enduring painful criticism and judgement. We are told that we are 'immature', 'not good enough', 'lazy' or we are told 'just try harder', 'you need to plan ahead', 'failure to plan on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part'. So in addition to our invisible challenges that we work our tushes off in order to succeed, we keep trying, looking for answers, we have to deal with all these negative labels and abuse. So out of our pain, and after being told that 'we don't measure up' for years on out; we continue to try harder, work longer, and what not. We all in attempt to 'measure up', yet no matter how hard we try we stray from the track. And people wonder why we have 'low frustration tolerance'?
I am not convinced that people with challenges have a lower frustration tolerance than those without. I think it maybe that they are already tolerating a lot of frustration, it's just that when you pile on more frustration they may blow or react. A glass can only so much water before it overflows. If you add the same amount of water to 2 different glasses, one of which is already full and the other is nearly empty, the one that is full is going to spill over much sooner than the other.
I feel that most of us with ADD/ADHD have really high frustration levels, it's just that we use so much more of our frustration capacity than many other people. So when we finally 'blow' out of frustration, it's not because we have 'low frustration tolerance'; instead it is because we have over filled our already used frustration capacity. I believe 'low frustration tolerance' is when you start with an empty glass of water and you quickly blow.
So what are your thoughts about this?
So you take all of this into account, observing our challenges, enduring painful criticism and judgement. We are told that we are 'immature', 'not good enough', 'lazy' or we are told 'just try harder', 'you need to plan ahead', 'failure to plan on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part'. So in addition to our invisible challenges that we work our tushes off in order to succeed, we keep trying, looking for answers, we have to deal with all these negative labels and abuse. So out of our pain, and after being told that 'we don't measure up' for years on out; we continue to try harder, work longer, and what not. We all in attempt to 'measure up', yet no matter how hard we try we stray from the track. And people wonder why we have 'low frustration tolerance'?
I am not convinced that people with challenges have a lower frustration tolerance than those without. I think it maybe that they are already tolerating a lot of frustration, it's just that when you pile on more frustration they may blow or react. A glass can only so much water before it overflows. If you add the same amount of water to 2 different glasses, one of which is already full and the other is nearly empty, the one that is full is going to spill over much sooner than the other.
I feel that most of us with ADD/ADHD have really high frustration levels, it's just that we use so much more of our frustration capacity than many other people. So when we finally 'blow' out of frustration, it's not because we have 'low frustration tolerance'; instead it is because we have over filled our already used frustration capacity. I believe 'low frustration tolerance' is when you start with an empty glass of water and you quickly blow.
So what are your thoughts about this?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Time to succeed and flourish
This summer I was taking a walk, which was a combination of pure exercise and some prayer and meditation. Well on this walk when I was more meditating and praying I got this little insight/answer to prayer that it is "my time to succeed and flourish". I have been successful with nearly everything I have done lately.
I don't think success means that you stop tripping and falling. I don't think it means that you stop having setbacks or stop having obstacles. I don't think it means that you necessarily strike 100% every time. It doesn't mean that the pain vanishes, it doesn't mean the symptoms stop happening. It means that you keep on keeping on.
I still trip, I still fall, I still have setbacks, I still have obstacles. I still don't strike 100% on everything. I am still ADHD as I have always been. I still need extensions on homework, I still miss points on my tests, and I still live in overcrowded conditions. However, they don't hold me back, they don't crush my self-esteem, I still make progress, and I am still making a positive difference, I hope, in the lives of others. I maybe getting a 'C' in my linear algebra class and an 'A' or 'B' in my Java class, but I am still getting through them. I am able to get through my math classes on the 1st try, instead of repeating them. Considering I am in higher math and don't have the luxury of studying in an environment conducive to an ADHD studying, I think I'm doing fantastic.
My work ethic still shows, my brains and wisdom still show, my positive coping strategies still show. My instructors and my classmates still respect me and they still treat me as their equal. They are still supportive of me and they still wish to see me succeed. This is because I am honest and I am a good student. I have the desire to learn and the willingness to do the work.
I have shown my potential, I have shown my ability, I have shown my talents, and I have shown my maturity. I have shown my true character and my integrity. I have shown that I am fun to be around and am a caring, loving, supportive individual. And I have shown my authentic individuality and learned to express it in a manner that allows others to see the value of my difference and my difference in perspective.
The reason all this is happening, I believe, is because I have discovered these things in myself. I have learned how to express my needs and wants in a positive manner, in a non-berating manner. THIS IS BECAUSE "IT'S MY TIME TO SUCCEED AND FLOURISH".
It's "time for us to succeed and flourish".
I don't think success means that you stop tripping and falling. I don't think it means that you stop having setbacks or stop having obstacles. I don't think it means that you necessarily strike 100% every time. It doesn't mean that the pain vanishes, it doesn't mean the symptoms stop happening. It means that you keep on keeping on.
I still trip, I still fall, I still have setbacks, I still have obstacles. I still don't strike 100% on everything. I am still ADHD as I have always been. I still need extensions on homework, I still miss points on my tests, and I still live in overcrowded conditions. However, they don't hold me back, they don't crush my self-esteem, I still make progress, and I am still making a positive difference, I hope, in the lives of others. I maybe getting a 'C' in my linear algebra class and an 'A' or 'B' in my Java class, but I am still getting through them. I am able to get through my math classes on the 1st try, instead of repeating them. Considering I am in higher math and don't have the luxury of studying in an environment conducive to an ADHD studying, I think I'm doing fantastic.
My work ethic still shows, my brains and wisdom still show, my positive coping strategies still show. My instructors and my classmates still respect me and they still treat me as their equal. They are still supportive of me and they still wish to see me succeed. This is because I am honest and I am a good student. I have the desire to learn and the willingness to do the work.
I have shown my potential, I have shown my ability, I have shown my talents, and I have shown my maturity. I have shown my true character and my integrity. I have shown that I am fun to be around and am a caring, loving, supportive individual. And I have shown my authentic individuality and learned to express it in a manner that allows others to see the value of my difference and my difference in perspective.
The reason all this is happening, I believe, is because I have discovered these things in myself. I have learned how to express my needs and wants in a positive manner, in a non-berating manner. THIS IS BECAUSE "IT'S MY TIME TO SUCCEED AND FLOURISH".
It's "time for us to succeed and flourish".
Sunday, November 21, 2010
ADD/ADHD utopia
I some how have been kind of lucky at the college I currently attend. I got to West Valley College in Saratoga, California. Click here to see the home page of my college. It is a california community college. I have an AA degree from a different community college about 10 years ago. So my general ed has been taken care of. I have taken mostly math and science classes since I started there in the summer of 2007 or 2008. I have shared my ADHD with most of my instructors and often with my classmates.
I have recieved some of the greatest support from my instructors and classmates and friends from West Valley College (WVC). I use the DESP, Disability Education Support Program, services there. I receive test accommodations and notetaking services. WVC is the only college I've been to, where I have consistently been treated with respect and equality. I haven't felt discriminated by the instructors. I haven't received verbal abuse and harrassment from my instructors.
I have been able to talk openly with my instructors about my ADHD and life challenges, I have received an amazing amount of grace from them when I needed it. Two of my physics instructors and one math instructors are my facebook friends. My current math instructor has been supportive and encouraging. She has allowed me extensions on my homework. My Java instructor has ADD/ADHD himself and we have had conversations about our ADD/ADHD right in front of others. I even talked about my accomodations in front of others.
I know how blessed I am to have been able go have instructors of such high quality and respectful. WVC has almost been an ADD/ADHD utopia. I love my instructors.
I have recieved some of the greatest support from my instructors and classmates and friends from West Valley College (WVC). I use the DESP, Disability Education Support Program, services there. I receive test accommodations and notetaking services. WVC is the only college I've been to, where I have consistently been treated with respect and equality. I haven't felt discriminated by the instructors. I haven't received verbal abuse and harrassment from my instructors.
I have been able to talk openly with my instructors about my ADHD and life challenges, I have received an amazing amount of grace from them when I needed it. Two of my physics instructors and one math instructors are my facebook friends. My current math instructor has been supportive and encouraging. She has allowed me extensions on my homework. My Java instructor has ADD/ADHD himself and we have had conversations about our ADD/ADHD right in front of others. I even talked about my accomodations in front of others.
I know how blessed I am to have been able go have instructors of such high quality and respectful. WVC has almost been an ADD/ADHD utopia. I love my instructors.
Friday, November 19, 2010
imperfect perfection
my imperfect perfection comes from years of hard work, determination, pain, moving forward, bravery, developing an emotional pain tolerance that allows you to thrive even in the midst of pain and healing. it comes from an understanding of all that is important in life and knowing what is not important. it takes throwing out the junk, the hand me downs, cleaning out and remodeling conventional wisdom and naysayers. it takes me being foolish enough to believe even when no one else believes. it takes being crazy enough and strong enough not to come crashing down when things don't work continuously. it takes angioplasty of the arteries science and cliches that we have consumed for years and possibly generations.
what in the world am i talking about? i am talking about redefining success and redefining age appropriateness. redefining the rules of going to college, redefining the college age, avoiding all the constant comparisons up against people who don't have your life, your challenges or much in common with you other than being in the same class.
Failure isn't getting a bad grade in a class, it isn't having to repeat a class, it isn't getting fired from a job and it isn't missing the mark. It isn't losing your social networks, it isn't coming getting sick or finding out you have a disorder or having challenges. it isn't having to repeatedly having to struggle in some part of your life. Failure is giving up on something w/ out trying again, not learning a new skill, not developing strategies, it's not doing anything.
I don't consider myself a failure if i have to repeat a class, i don't consider myself a failure if it takes me years and even a decade to develop a strategy or a skill. I continue on perfecting my imperfection, this is what has given me all the success I've had so far and it will continue to bring me success. I had to repeat everyone of my math classes until I got to multivariate calculus and differential equations. I manage to get through my first year of general chemistry and that took me more than 2 tries to get through it. I rarely give up on anything.
My imperfect perfection!
what in the world am i talking about? i am talking about redefining success and redefining age appropriateness. redefining the rules of going to college, redefining the college age, avoiding all the constant comparisons up against people who don't have your life, your challenges or much in common with you other than being in the same class.
Failure isn't getting a bad grade in a class, it isn't having to repeat a class, it isn't getting fired from a job and it isn't missing the mark. It isn't losing your social networks, it isn't coming getting sick or finding out you have a disorder or having challenges. it isn't having to repeatedly having to struggle in some part of your life. Failure is giving up on something w/ out trying again, not learning a new skill, not developing strategies, it's not doing anything.
I don't consider myself a failure if i have to repeat a class, i don't consider myself a failure if it takes me years and even a decade to develop a strategy or a skill. I continue on perfecting my imperfection, this is what has given me all the success I've had so far and it will continue to bring me success. I had to repeat everyone of my math classes until I got to multivariate calculus and differential equations. I manage to get through my first year of general chemistry and that took me more than 2 tries to get through it. I rarely give up on anything.
My imperfect perfection!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
ADD/ADHD MONDAYS
These Mondays can happen essentially any day of the week, but my most recent incident happened this Monday. I forgot my laptop charger/plug, my TI-84+ silver edition calculator, my homework list and my yellow highlighter all at home. I have classes in the early afternoon and evening on Mondays. I was actually lucky enough to get a ride to school this time. I usually take the bus to school and back, except for Monday nights. This is a 2-3 hour bus ride each way. So I can't just go home, get my cord, and return to school.
I was fortunate enough to have a classmate ask me to turn in his homework for him. This at least allowed me to know which problems I needed to complete my homework. Also because I had left my calculator at home, I had to resort to using Cramster in order to get my row reduced matrices. This is a regular function of the calculator. Cramster is a website that has worked out solutions to many textbooks. If used wisely it can be a big help. In truly ADD fashion, I admit I have waited to do my homework until the day it was due. I am not proud of that, but I have been battling a lack of motivation this semester. This is in part due to the fact I haven't gone to the local library all semester like i did last semester. Last semester my brother worked a different shift, so the car was available during the day than it is this semester. I would just go to the library this semester, but I like to study with a table fan, which I have to lug even more stuff on the bus than just my backpack.
Now because I left my laptop plug at home, I had to conserve the battery power to make sure it lasted all day. It has a 3 hour battery life I belief. It actually caused me to read more of my textbooks than I probably would have done with out this little bit of ADD forgetfulness. I buy the sharpie brand liquid highlighters that come in a pack of ten different colors, so missing one color of highlighters will irritate me slightly.
The odd thing I apparently had difficulty finding stuff that i actually brought with me, I might have been holding it and didn't even realize it. I even forgot what I was looking for once I was searching and wonder why I couldn't remember what I was looking for. I don't know why my brain just didn't want to wake up and function, but it didn't.
The difference from when I first started working on my ADD/ADHD and now is how well I manage these days. Even when my AD/HD, my hormones, my health, or my mood is off, I can still manage to be somewhat productive and move forward. Really if you think about it, MOST ADD/ADHD MOMENTS ARE NOT THAT SERIOUS. None of these things killed me or anyone else. I was prepared to talk with my homework situation with my Linear Algebra instructor if needed. I have learned how to be my own best advocate rather than being my own worst enemy.
I do recommend communicating with your instructors and let them know what is going on. Try to choose instructors who are nonjudgemental and are willing to listen and learn about you. I have been very fortunate to get support from most of my instructors at West Valley College, where I go to school. I actually talk openly about my ADHD with them and communicate what is going on in my life. I have found that most of them have been willing to work with me and adjust when I've needed it. I have taken nothing but math and science since I started attending West Valley College, and I have gotten a lot of support from my instructors and I have felt like I have been treated as an equal by my instructors and my classmates.
I was fortunate enough to have a classmate ask me to turn in his homework for him. This at least allowed me to know which problems I needed to complete my homework. Also because I had left my calculator at home, I had to resort to using Cramster in order to get my row reduced matrices. This is a regular function of the calculator. Cramster is a website that has worked out solutions to many textbooks. If used wisely it can be a big help. In truly ADD fashion, I admit I have waited to do my homework until the day it was due. I am not proud of that, but I have been battling a lack of motivation this semester. This is in part due to the fact I haven't gone to the local library all semester like i did last semester. Last semester my brother worked a different shift, so the car was available during the day than it is this semester. I would just go to the library this semester, but I like to study with a table fan, which I have to lug even more stuff on the bus than just my backpack.
Now because I left my laptop plug at home, I had to conserve the battery power to make sure it lasted all day. It has a 3 hour battery life I belief. It actually caused me to read more of my textbooks than I probably would have done with out this little bit of ADD forgetfulness. I buy the sharpie brand liquid highlighters that come in a pack of ten different colors, so missing one color of highlighters will irritate me slightly.
The odd thing I apparently had difficulty finding stuff that i actually brought with me, I might have been holding it and didn't even realize it. I even forgot what I was looking for once I was searching and wonder why I couldn't remember what I was looking for. I don't know why my brain just didn't want to wake up and function, but it didn't.
The difference from when I first started working on my ADD/ADHD and now is how well I manage these days. Even when my AD/HD, my hormones, my health, or my mood is off, I can still manage to be somewhat productive and move forward. Really if you think about it, MOST ADD/ADHD MOMENTS ARE NOT THAT SERIOUS. None of these things killed me or anyone else. I was prepared to talk with my homework situation with my Linear Algebra instructor if needed. I have learned how to be my own best advocate rather than being my own worst enemy.
I do recommend communicating with your instructors and let them know what is going on. Try to choose instructors who are nonjudgemental and are willing to listen and learn about you. I have been very fortunate to get support from most of my instructors at West Valley College, where I go to school. I actually talk openly about my ADHD with them and communicate what is going on in my life. I have found that most of them have been willing to work with me and adjust when I've needed it. I have taken nothing but math and science since I started attending West Valley College, and I have gotten a lot of support from my instructors and I have felt like I have been treated as an equal by my instructors and my classmates.
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